Mother’s Day, of all holidays, has the potential to bring up a host of complicated feelings.   

• For some of you, today might be a beautiful day filled with gratitude and joy. 

• Others of you are experiencing Mother’s Day with a grieving heart for babies you can’t have, or babies or children you lost.   

• Some of you have chosen not to be moms and wish people accepted your decision. 

• Perhaps you have a painful relationship with one or more of your kids, and today brings up feelings of regret, sadness and disappointment. 

• Maybe you have a painful relationship with your mom, and unresolved hurts. 

• Or perhaps you lost your mom, and today, like every day, you grieve and miss her presence in your life. 

Joy, gratitude, regret, grief, guilt, disappointment, loss in varying measures are just a few of the feelings that may be present today, and maybe you’re feeling all of the above.  No wonder it’s complicated!

Motherhood is a huge calling and the stakes feel large.  I know there have been days where I’ve felt completely unprepared for motherhood, and thought a degree in teaching, medicine, culinary arts, psychology or cognitive science may have been more appropriate than my English major in equipping me for my role as a mom.  There’s a lot of pressure on moms and parents, much of it that we put on ourselves, and just as many opinions on how to raise kids “right.”  Raising kids into responsible adults is challenging every day, more so on those days that our kids shine a flashlight on our shortcomings.  Before having kids, I thought that might happen in their teen years, but kids are perceptive and it started around the time they could talk.  Motherhood, among all other things, is humbling.

When I was going to college down south, there was a familiar saying that people found funny: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”  And another one: “Happy wife, happy life.”  There’s both an element of truth in these sayings and a healthy dose of untruth.  First and foremost, we’re all responsible for our own happiness in life, so no one should have to tiptoe around to protect one person’s happiness in the family.  That said, when one person in the family is unhappy, of course that affects others.  In many families, most of the household responsibilities still fall on mothers, even when both partners work full time.  And if mom is overstretched, exhausted, unsupported and miserable, then mom and the whole family ends up missing out on experiencing the joy and peace that creates a lifegiving atmosphere in the home.  Moms need encouragement and support to do all that they do well.

Today, whether you’re celebrating your mom or being celebrated, give yourself a huge hug and megadose of grace and compassion.  Give a mama you know support and encouragement, and receive the support and encouragement you need from others.  Encourage yourself or another mama with these five truths: 

1.     There is no perfect mother.  When my kids were toddlers, a mom with teens encouraged me that instead of trying to be the perfect mother, decide to be good enough.  Having grace and compassion for ourselves allows us to give grace and compassion to others.  When our kids see us being our own worst critic, that habit gets ingrained in them. They become self-critical and expect perfection of themselves.  No matter how perfect we try to be, or how imperfect we are, we will make mistakes, and when we acknowledge them there’s opportunity to grow together.  Our kids will be okay. They’ll learn resilience, humility, forgiveness and grace as we model those things for them. 

2.     There’s more than one “right way” to parent. Each child is unique and there’s no formula for parenting.  What works with one child may not work with another.  Make yourself a student of each child.  They might be like you in some ways, but they aren’t mini-me’s. Seek to understand and accept their personality, love language, gifts and uniqueness.  As you appreciate them more, you’ll begin to see and draw out their individual gifts … the treasures that are hidden in their hearts and minds.  You might even learn a thing or two about yourself in the process!

3.     It takes a village.  Raising kids into responsible adults is so much easier in community than isolation.  Remember today all the relatives, mentors and friends who have shaped you into the mom you are. Surround yourself with supportive mentors and friends who speak life and encouragement to both you and your kids on days you need it most.  If you’re surrounded by people who criticize and compete more than they support and encourage … take notice and seek out the support you need.  

4.     Hurt people, hurt people; and healed people, heal people.  Most likely, because your mom was human (see point #1 above), you experienced at least a little hurt in the home you grew up in.  If addictions, divorce, family secrets or abuse are part of your story, there might be a whole lot of hurt.  Unresolved pain with your own parents will impact your relationship with your kids and affect your parenting.  Seeking healing from past hurts prevents unhealthy dysfunction from being passed down to your kids.  Pursuing personal growth by grieving and forgiving helps wipe the slate clean and creates more space for love, empathy, peace, grace, compassion and JOY. 

5.     Trust that your prayers work.  Where we fall short with our kids, God fills in all the gaps.  Remember, they’re His kids first, and we get to raise them.  As much as our aching mama bear hearts love and adore our kids (more than we ever thought possible), that’s a drop in the ocean compared to God’s infinite love for them.  Inviting Him into your life and your kids lives, trusting that He has a plan for them, that He sees what you don’t … helps you to love without fear, surrender what you can’t control, and enjoy the journey of motherhood along the way.

Whatever your motherhood story is, I pray that you are flooded with happy memories, love and gratitude.  This Mother’s Day, why not treat yourself or your favorite mom to a gift of personal growth?  I’m offering $100 off Stress Assessments to my readers this month.  Book yours here now!