It’s an east wind … the wind’s coming from the east and blowing west. This is the first thing I learn in my kitesurfing lesson, and as I’m standing facing due east, the wind is directly in my face, catching noisily in my ears. When I turn just a little bit, the noisiness dies down. The beach is perfectly positioned for learning to kitesurf without too many waves, and just the right wind – not too strong and not too light. I like that it’s not crowded with other kitesurfers … only six of us here with two instructors.
I have butterflies in my stomach, excited but nervous to learn this sport that my husband discovered many years ago and introduced to the kids over the last couple years. They’ve been raving about it and I’m the last in our family to learn. I want to love it as much as they do! We loved wakeboarding together on weekends in Hong Kong, and they all assure me that I’ll love kiting even more. I’m up for something new. Rather than put pressure on myself to get on the board in three days (the length of our time here), I decide my goal is to have fun learning and see how far I progress! No pressure to perform this vacation, just have fun!
The first day, I’m in the water waist deep, learning to fly the kite. My expectations are low. Kite flying was always a disappointment when I was a kid. Inevitably, the kite took forever to get into the sky, and shortly after it started flying nicely it nosedived into the trees and was ruined or stuck out of reach. Unlike those flimsy diamond shaped kits, THIS is a ginormous kite designed to trap wind and take me away with it!! Nothing is intuitive about what I’m doing. The land lessons made very little sense as they explained step by step, but as I’m in the water now, everything’s making perfect sense. Steering the kite is tough at first, and I have to relaunch the kite several times. I’m getting good at this. At least I won’t have to worry about crashing the kite on my own because, when it comes to relaunching, I’ve got skills! Once I get the rhythm right, making a figure eight to catch the wind and keep steady in the air, it’s pretty relaxing. I’m entranced by the rhythm and repetition.
On day two, the morning wind is ideal. I’m flying a bigger kite than yesterday because it’s a milder wind today, and I’ll be body dragging in the water. That’s when you kitesurf without a board and let the wind carry your body through the water. “Shark bait” my friend warned me. I crack up. Maybe in Cape Cod, but not here in the Caribbean! Let me tell you … it was So. Much. Fun! I decide maybe I won’t even need to graduate to a board!
The figure eight is a little harder to get right with the wind and bigger kite today. The larger the kite, the longer it takes to turn, or should I say the harder you have to manipulate the kite to change direction. It takes me awhile to get the hang of it. I get lost in the rhythm and time flies doing this! We go out again, but now the wind has picked up, so I switch back to a smaller kite. It responds more quickly to small manipulations and with the stronger wind there’s plenty of power in the smaller kite. I really get going fast and can keep in motion. I’m loving this. But oh my gosh! A huge gust comes and I lose control of the kite. It crashes on the water and I have to re-launch. I’ve seen people do this in the middle of the ocean while also trying to re-mount their board after a big fall. Not easy. It’s a lot to remember and balance, I realize, with one hand holding the board steady while you get your feet in the straps, and one trying to keep the kite in the air. Total respect! I’m glad I don’t have to worry about a board yet. My kite relaunches after three tries and now I’m really flying! YIKES! The kite changes direction and I’m heading towards the beach at full speed. What do I do? I forget in the moment and I pull harder to slow it down. OOPS! That speeds up the kite and starts pulling me up and out of the water! Now I’m clinging on for dear life, and I remember … to slow down, I have to LET GO! When you’re flying on the kite, if you pull down on the bar and grip on for dear life, you speed up. Releasing the bar slows the kite down. That’s counter intuitive, and when I think about it, it’s often how things work in my life. The times I cling in fear are the times I’d be better off letting go, at least momentarily, to take stock of my best next step!
A couple years ago, I couldn’t remember what I used to love doing before I was married and had kids. So much time and energy went into getting the kids to and from activities they loved. Soccer. Gymnastics. Horse riding. More soccer. Seeking out new adventures and learning new things with friends is what I remember loving. Kitesurfing fell in that box, and my family was right that it was even more fun than wakeboarding! A big part of self-care for me is engaging in activities that help me to truly unplug and have fun and laugh! This new adventure made me grateful to have this shared experience with my family on vacation. Both days finished with so much satisfaction. I was a little sore in my neck and shoulders, but full of delight from the thrill of it! Each time I came in from kiting, I couldn’t tell you if I’d been out on the water for ten minutes or three hours. Losing all track of time and immersing myself in an activity is one way I can tell that I love something. I’m not watching the clock at all. Time with my family, doing something physical outdoors and learning a new skill ticks a lot of boxes for me. Spending time doing something I love together with them fills us all up. We’re already planning our next kitesurfing get away, deciding when and where we’ll go. I get why my family loves this so much and I have so much respect for what they had to go through to get to the level they’re at. Everyone in our family took their skills to the next level this week.
There are a few things that helped keep in the fun and keep out the stress, and these things are applicable to many areas of life.
1) Set your intention. This trip, my intention was simply to have fun! I’m often very performance or achievement oriented and if I’d set my goal to get on the board by day three then I’d be putting undue pressure on myself. Deciding to make fun my intention kept it light and allowed me to laugh at myself.
2) Be willing to be a beginner. Learning something new takes humility. Everyone sucks when they try something new. Competence comes later for those who persevere through the awkwardness. Standing on dry land and hearing about how to correct the kite didn’t get me as far as crashing the kite a couple times in the water and re-launching. I had to do it myself to get the hang of it after failing a few times.
3) Use your energy for good! Notice above where I said I had butterflies in my stomach and I was “excited but nervous”? The truth is, I was really nervous! Neuroscience shows that our brains recognize anxiety and excitement as the same. But different chemicals course through our bodies for anxiety than for excitement. If I call it excitement, then positive chemicals flood my body and direct all that energy for good … towards what’s required for the physical or mental task at hand. This works before exams, public speaking, a meeting with your boss, going on a first date, or learning a scary new sport! Next time you’re nervous about something, try saying, “I’m excited to fill in the blank_” (ie, speak in front of this group; get this exam behind me; resolve this conflict with my spouse; learn to kitesurf.)
4) Let go when your instinct is to cling tight! Nothing intuitive led me to believe letting go when I was about to crash the kite on the beach was a good idea. But the only way to slow down in that moment was to let go! How often do I cling tightly when I should be letting go? In my marriage, parenting, friendships, finances … clinging fiercely to try and gain control never really works. Well, I found out I can’t control the wind either, and letting go of the kite to prevent a crash proved to be a good metaphor for life. Fun and enjoyment often steps up a notch when I remember to stop trying to cling to and control the people and circumstances around me. This was no exception.
5) Celebrate small victories, both mine and my family’s. Rather than comparing my level of competence with my family’s, I celebrated the milestones I accomplished, and celebrated the things they were learning as well. It was fun for all of us to encourage each other where we were.
Taking time out doing something you love is so filling. It’s like filling up a fuel tank that keeps you running for a long time, remembering the moment. What’s one thing that you love doing so much that you lose all track of time, and you restore your energy when you do it? Share in the comments below and let me know, when will you get to carve out time to enjoy that again?
