It was a Sunday morning in October and we were exhausted, more so than usual. The previous day we had been a couple hours away at our son’s college soccer game. It was fun, but such a close game, and my son’s team lost in the last couple minutes. We got home late as is typical on game days. Our friends were at an event that we’d been invited to, something to do with fundraising for a movie, and it was all too much to squeeze in one more thing. That Sunday morning, we had come home from church, and I don’t remember the source of our conflict, but the wedge between me and my husband was pretty huge; both our feelings were hurt. We weren’t speaking. We were both waiting for the other to apologize.
A text message from my friend popped up in my phone. She and her husband and another couple who are friends of ours had organized the whole gathering last night and they have that after party excitement. She’s suggesting coming over to our house with brunch and some friends she wants us to meet. They want to share, and just need our TV, she said. They’d planned between them to bring the food and the movie directors so we can see this morning what we missed last night.
“No thanks” I texted back. “It’s not a good morning.” My husband came in the room and told me her husband was texting him simultaneously, and he had replied, “sure, come on over.”
“We’re not getting along. Everyone’s tired and grumpy,” I tell him, and I text my friend the same. “No worries,” she said. “We’ve got everything covered. No need to do anything! Is 11:30 okay?” And by the way, she mentioned, there were a few other families who couldn’t make last night and she’d taken the liberty of inviting them too. “Thanks for being generous with your home!”
Everyone who knows us knows we’re happiest when our home is full and being used to nurture and build community and God’s Kingdom. It feels so natural that it doesn’t feel generous on a normal day, because we love it! But today … not today, please … we’ve been doing too much, and we’ve reached our limit. When we’re not getting along, it feels like a dark cloud is hovering over our house and the idea of drumming up hospitality for friends and strangers feels like too big of a hurdle.
Ugh! Now I’m really upset with my husband. Maybe he was excited to find out more about the movie, or maybe he was hoping a spontaneous brunch would cheer me up. Our friends respect our “no” on most occasions; they understand healthy boundaries. But the mixed message we gave them didn’t help them hear that we really weren’t up for this today.
Sarah and Greg arrive, before the other families, and before the director, Brian Ivie (The Drop Box) and producer, John Shepherd. They help us set up the TV room. Our house is in pretty decent shape since we were gone all day yesterday. I’m so tired. It’s hard to put on a happy face when I’m so disconnected from my husband. Grazia and GC arrive, and when Grazia thanked me for being so generous with opening our home on short notice, I guessed that Sarah hadn’t told her I did all I could to keep them away this morning. I felt a lump in my throat, and I was speechless. I couldn’t collect myself quickly enough, and now I’m literally in tears, with more people arriving on our doorstep any minute. My friends sweetly come on either side of me and pray for peace for my crumbling heart, for unity in my marriage, and strength for my tired body and mind.
I love having friends who we can be real with, without having to pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. They don’t judge. They empathize and pray, and now we feel loved and supported. We finish setting up together and greet people as they arrive. I hope this is as good as they’re saying, I think. I could have really used a nap today.
After everyone has a bite to eat, we gather around the TV so the directors can introduce themselves and explain the background for the movie clip we’re about to see. There was a shooting at a church in Charleston, SC on June 17, 2016, and 9 people died, including the pastor. There were three survivors. The shooter is in jail, and at his arraignment a few days later, the people who lost loved ones forgave him in court, one after another. The movie they were making was about the power of forgiveness. We got to see a 15 minute clip of the movie, and hear how the directors were going down to Charleston the next week to meet the families to get their blessing on the movie so far.
My first reaction was, how do you make a movie about forgiveness? One that people pay money to see?? But once I saw the excerpt from the movie, I found it riveting. I was hooked and didn’t want it to end. It would be months before I’d see the whole film, but the teaser we saw was so powerful, and we were so inspired by the story, that we wanted to back it. This was a chance for us to invest in a message we strongly believed in. It was also an opportunity to see how petty some of our marital squabbles tend to be. If these families can forgive a murderer just days after losing their loved ones, it seemed my husband and I could forgive one another and aim to love each other better. Seeing the excerpt from the film melted our hearts.
The movie, Emanuel, was released as a Fantom Event yesterday, and if you didn’t get to see it, there’s another opportunity to see it in a theatre near you on Wednesday, June 19th. Stephen Curry and Viola Davis are Executive Producers. Check out a trailer of the movie, and the Deadline article announcing the movie. This is a message you don’t want to miss. Invite friends. Our world needs more forgiveness and less resentment; more love and less fear; more grace and mercy and less revenge. This movie is powerful and transformational and you won’t be disappointed!
* All producers’ proceeds from Emanuel will go the victims’ families and the survivors. *
