“When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
When did self-care become synonymous with self-indulgence? When I ask people their favorite self-care practice, their response often centers around whether or not they have the time or inclination for a spa day. Don’t get me wrong, I love a mani/ pedi or a massage occasionally, but self-care entails so much more than spa treatments.
Self-care encompasses all the ways that you intentionally take care of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Practicing self-care reduces stress and improves all relationships, including your relationship with your own self. It’s the primary way you can tell yourself, “I’m worth it.” “My health and sanity matters.” “I care enough about me to take the time to look after myself.” This is especially important when life is most busy, complicated, demanding, or difficult.
If you’re in any kind of caretaking role, then taking care of yourself is critically important. Whether you’re a parent raising kids, caretaking elderly parents or nursing a loved one back to health, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you’re completely depleted while taking care of others, then your care may become devoid of love, patience, kindness and joy. It may even become filled with resentment and negativity, whether that’s your intention or not. Taking the time you need to rest and restore your energy benefits everyone involved, and will make you more effective in all your endeavors!
What comes to mind when you think about self-care? My understanding of self-care has been expanding and as I sit here typing, the following come to mind for me:
Sleep
Exercise
Healthy diet
Supportive community
Healthy boundaries
Rest
Meditation/ Prayer
Fun/ Play/ Laughter
Many of these are so much part of my daily life that I don’t think of them as self-care until they’re missing. Other categories need to be scheduled or I’ll neglect them altogether. For instance, I enjoy cooking, and I love time spent with family and good friends, so if we can prepare a healthy meal together (or even enjoy it together), I’m all in! That type of self-care ticks a lot of boxes that bring me joy. On the other hand, I don’t love to exercise. I love the feeling I get after exercising, but getting my butt out the door to the gym is never easy. However, I treasure time with friends and family, so if I get to catch up with a friend while walking, or go to the gym with my husband, I’ll be more committed. Again, that type of self-care ticks a lot of boxes for me.
Sleep and rest are the hardest categories of self-care for me to safeguard. I’m a “doer” by nature and find it hard to turn off. When my kids were little, I got more done in the few hours after they were tucked in and before I went to bed, than I did all day long. To this day, the biggest block to my goal of 7-9 hours of sleep each night is my tendency to try to squeeze in “one more thing” before I head up to bed. After a couple of busy weeks of burning the candle at both ends in the name of productivity, I’ll be exhausted, and I’ll have no one to blame but myself. After a few days of exhaustion I become snappy and impatient, my will power to eat healthy diminishes, and the last thing I feel like doing is exercising. There’s a downward spiral that happens pretty quickly, and I’ve learned that for me, maintainting a healthy sleep routine is an essential piece to my self-care routine, and many of the other practices hinge on it. Sleep deprivation, by the way, is a well known form of torture.
You’d think because I’m a life coach and I’m writing this article that I’d be a master in the area of self-care, but truth be told, I’m reminding myself today as much as you. I remember as a young mom feeling blindsided by the level of neediness of babies and toddlers, and I only had two of them. I admired my friends with 3, 4, and 5 little ones, who seemed to parent with endless stores of energy and grace that I struggled to drum up some days. I was a SAHM, and my husband’s work and travel schedule was pretty intense. I comforted myself back then that someday, when the kids got a little older, I’d have more “me time” … whatever that meant. The years went by, the kids got older, and life got even busier. After school activities and weekend sports added another layer of complexity to our schedules and our lives. I had plenty of my own pursuits, yet most of the household responsibilities fell on my plate. Studies show, by the way, that in homes where both parents work, the bulk of household responsibilities still falls on mom, even in homes where men believe in sharing the responsibilities. Generally, parents in all stages struggle to balance their time and create lives that are sustainable, and many of us treat self-care like a luxury instead of essential to our well-being!
A few years ago, it finally dawned on me that later is never going to come. I realized that it’s totally up to me to make the time for my own self-care NOW so that I can care for others from a place of abundance instead of lack. The thing I learned about time is that it never just frees up, especially as long as I choose to keep filling it. Making the time for what is important is totally up to me and within my control. My level of depletion and exhaustion led to my decision: I’m starting NOW. One essential change that I made is scheduling my self-care practices just like I schedule the rest of my day, which helps me honor that time. I’m convinced that I feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually stronger as a result of my choices.
As human beings (not human doings), we have limits to our time and energy. Just like airlines instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before helping others, caregivers need to practice self-care so that they can pour out from a deep well of love, joy, peace, and patience for their loved ones!
Throughout the month of March, I’ll be covering different aspects of self-care in my blog. I’m curious … what is your favorite self-care practice? And what is your most neglected area of self-care? Please share in the comments below.
Meanwhile, I’d love to share my free 8-page guide with you on “Recognizing and Reducing Stress in Your Life.” Follow this link to provide your email address and I’ll deliver it to your inbox immediately.
